Alan has asked me to share this story, which is not easy for me as my non-believer friends will probably have me locked up!  But I do consider myself one of the luckiest people around, because I'm certain I have actually physically experienced God.  Those who know me will agree (I hope!) that I'm an ordinary, sane, level-headed sort of person, who would never make such an extraordinary claim, and certainly not publicly, if it were not true. 

I have always been a Christian, largely due to my parents and then my boarding school upbringing. But for most of my adult life I have generally found it difficult to pay sufficient attention to my faith, putting the demands of my career and family first, and going to church when convenient on Sundays. So in fact I'm probably not too different to most "Christians". 

But a couple of years ago, at the age of nearly 50, I went through a period of feeling depressed.  It was unclear to me at first why this was. Everything appeared to be as before, but somehow I felt uneasy and miserable.  It was while I was in Turkey for a conference that this really hit home. I was staying in a hotel at a Mediterranean resort and I was amongst colleagues who were all good friends, so I had no logical reason to feel down - but I did.  

One night at about 4 o'clock I was lying awake after a call of nature. It dawned on me that I'd been feeling down because I'd been sub-consciously aware that, nearing 50, I was now definitely into my Second Half.  I'd always put off the "Christian-thing" until a later date, when I was less busy. But I started to realize that I couldn't ever bring back all those missed opportunities to do the things we should do. And I had also, like many other people, done plenty of things we shouldn't do. But as a firm believer in God, I now felt I'd wasted far too much of this gift of life, plus I had "messed up" far too often.  

In the half hour or so that followed, for the first time in my life I became really aware of how much I must have disappointed my creator. I felt so ashamed and regretful. I was desperate to make amends and to start again, in a way that I'd never felt before. I eventually got out of bed, got onto my knees (something I rarely do except in church), and prayed something like "Lord, please cleanse me". 

Immediately I'd said it, I was touched (externally) by a gentle but very definite tingling over my whole body, which made all the hairs on my arms and legs stand on end.  This was followed a few seconds later by what I can only describe as an upward movement inside my body, a constant flow of "something" unmistakably physical.  It started in my calves, and I was aware it was coming up from there and onto the back of my thighs (remember I was kneeling), and then up my whole torso. I was very conscious of this "motion" passing up and out through my shoulders and the top of my head, but I was also very aware that somehow this energy was stopping a couple of feet above me and not really going through the ceiling.  There was nothing visible, but it was utterly amazing, because it was contrary to the all the laws of physics and quite different to any other bodily sensation I had ever felt.  I remember saying out loud "Oh God it's you isn't it" - because I knew for certain that it must be.  There could be no other explanation. 

This upward motion lasted for about a minute and then subsided. There had been no accompanying brilliant light, no booming voice of God, no emotional feeling of joy - it was entirely physical.  In the minutes that followed I lay on my bed trying to come to terms with the magnitude of it all, and then I realized that the sensation I had experienced was just like fire. There was no heat, but otherwise it had all the motion characteristics of fire, and would explain why I had been so conscious of it ending a couple of feet above my head. 

Some people will inevitably dismiss this as all just being a trick of the mind, as something I sub-consciously expected to happen.  I can understand their point of view - it was after all something totally inexplicable.  Even as a Christian I never expected anything remotely like that could happen.  All I can say is that it did happen.  And I'm absolutely positive, and nobody will ever change my mind on this, that at that moment I was cleansed by the fire of the Holy Spirit.

 Cdr. Nigel Smith R.N.